Wednesday, November 24, 2010
There has been something on my mind...
A normal Sunday morning consists of me getting up and making breakfast for my one and only. Not too long ago, while standing at the stove, watching the eggs cook, I had a thought...
I'm so glad that I'm making eggs for my love, and not for anyone else, and I don't EVER want to make eggs for anyone but him!
Kind of a weird thought, but basically, I'm glad (complete understatement!!!!) that I married the person that I married and that there will never be anyone else but him...
The reason why I stumbled upon this thought is because there is someone in my life who will never again make eggs for the one that she married...my heart is broken because of this, not only for her, but for the family that it is affecting. It is not because of death or loss, but because of separation...divorce.
Now, every time I make eggs, I think about the person getting them, and no matter how hard times may seem, he will ALWAYS get the eggs that I make...
Monday, September 20, 2010
It's 5 o' clock in the morning, and I'm lying here in bed with my beautiful son next to me and my handsome husband getting ready to go to SWAT training...This routine happens pretty much every other week, and although I'm grateful for the training that my husband is getting, I do wish that he could stay home and play with Hunter and I.
We just got back from our family vacation, and we are definitely being thrown back in to the "real world" pretty quickly. Michael starts his new position this week and although I am very excited and happy for him, it will be quite the change for our little family. He will be gone one extra day a week for a 4/10 work schedule, but those 4 days usually turn in to 5 or 6 days because of having to testify in court, taking gang classes, training, getting called out etc. Not to mention keeping up on his normal duties of SWAT.
I know it kind of seems like I'm complaining, or may be in need of a "pity party", but that's not the reason for this post...Honestly, I don't think I can pin point the reason why I'm writing this...I've never taken the time to write about Michael's job, but I thought that since he's starting his new specialized assignment, now would be a good time.
I would like to say that if you have a "normal" life, you should consider yourself lucky. What's normal? Having your husband home for dinner at least 3-5 times a week, not having to spend night after night by yourself, not wondering if your husband is going to come home from work because of what he has to do at work, being able to openly talk about what your husband does without worrying about the response your going to get, or whether or not it will benefit your family, not having to stand up for what he does, or not having to worry about hiding or locking away the "things" your husband uses at work. I'd say that those are all pretty normal things...I know that as newly weds, we will go through some rough patches or crazy schedules because of trying to get through school, or getting in to careers and what not, but my crazy schedule will pretty much last forever (well at least for a REALLY long time).
If I could have seen in to the future and see what my life was going to be like, would I still choose it? Well...yes, and no. Being a "cops wife" has definitely made me a stronger person, and has given me more faith than I have ever had, but it is hard...I am proud of Michael, and know that he has an honorable career, but there is definitely a price to pay.
"A Police Officer's Wife"
A special kind of woman: a cut above the rest,
That's A Police Officer's Wife, rating her best.
How many good byes are whispered, joined with a fond embrace?
As duty steals her man, for the danger he must face.
How often have meals been ruined - or tender moments disturbed,
by a call for special duty, sparking loyalty un-swerved?
It's a devil of a job, for an angel like this,
Who......for the love of her man, must forsake that kiss,
She can run a garden tractor; even paint a room in need,
How she can stretch a dollar is a miracle indeed.
She's mother, lover, chauffeur and nurse,
A living symbol of: "for better or for worse."
Rich is the man, reaping his rewards in life,
Who chose to be the other half of
A Police Officer's Wife.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
So today Michael turned 26...kinda weird, 4 years away from 30, but time just keeps moving quickly! I just wanted to dedicate this blog to him so that he knows he's special. (I try and make birthdays as special as I can, because it is the day to celebrate YOU and only you!)
Ten facts about Michael
- He loves to go shooting, golf, play and watch baseball (Go Angels!), fish, snow board and wake board.
- He loves watches.
- He loves learning about Navy Seals (and secretly wishes he was one but wouldn't put his family through that career choice), gangs, weapons, and most importantly, the gospel.
- His favorite foods are steak, steak...oh and steak. He also loves sushi and sea food.
- He likes to watch cooking shows, (Master Chef, Hell's Kitchen, Iron Chef etc.), is a long time and loyal fan of The Simpsons, and also likes 30 Rock, House, Friends and Everybody Loves Raymond.
- He is a member of the SWAT and gang team for Rialto PD. He is the most brave and courageous person I know and will ever know.
- He's the oldest of four siblings.
- He's loves Harley Davidson. He has a Harley and a lot of Harley attire and accessories.
- He loves Boxers (dogs) and takes really good care of our two very own Boxers, Reesy and Bruno.
- And for the best fact of them all...He has a loving wife and adorable son who want to wish him a happy, happy, birthday!!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
weight: 11 lbs. 13 oz.
clothes:NB (although most NB jam-jams don't fit anymore because I'm too long) some 0-3/3-6, and I even try some 6 mo. clothes but they are still a little too baggy, but the length is close to my size.
diaper size: Still in size 1
My Ridiculously Good Looks
My favorite thing about this month is that I'm starting to smile! I really started to smile at about 6 weeks. It's pretty nice to be able to express my happiness! I definitely smile the most at my Mommy and Daddy.
My eyes are still a blue-ish, and it kind of looks like they are lightening up. Who knows what color they will be...
My hair is looking lighter and lighter. It almost looks like there is some red in it. It's also thinning out a little bit. I hope it doesn't thin out too much. I really like my hair. I especially love the feel of the wind blowing through it.
I'm getting pretty big...Sometimes my Daddy calls me fat boy ha ha ha My little thighs are getting a little chunky, along with the rest of my body. But I'm not too worried because I still keep growing in length. Baby fat is attractive right?
- I'm starting to "coo" a lot! I'm still getting used to this whole using my voice thing but it's pretty fun because every time I make noises Mom and Dad seem to be SO fascinated! I really like to make noises when my Dad sings to me. I know that sounds sissy, but he sings manly songs like 70's rock songs and what not.
- I am definitely a morning boy and I love waking up and playing. I'll whine until Mom picks me up and then she'll let me sit with her in bed. I wiggle, coo, smile, yawn...and then go back to sleep. I don't know if she appreciates me waking her up so early just to play with me for a little bit, but I just can't stand laying there. I need to get up and get all of my wiggles out and then I'm good to go.
- I discovered my thumb! But I still don't have quite enough control to suck on it all the time, or maybe I just don't want to. I also just recently started enjoying my binky. Mommy's pretty happy about this. She says, "Put a cork in it!"
- The comment I hear the most from people is, "Wow, he's SO alert!" I've been this way since day one. Bright eyed and bushy tailed! Mom thinks I'm going to give her a run for her money because of how alert and active I am. I also hear people say that I look older and bigger than I really am. I think it's my hair...or my handsome big boy face.
- I've started to drool...a lot! Sometimes I soak the whole front of my onesie. I don't know why I do it, but I do...and I make bubbles with my drool too. That's pretty fun.
- I like to stand when somebody is helping me keep my balance, and I stand the most when I'm upset. I don't know why, maybe it helps me get my frustration out.
- I am NOT a fan of tummy time. My arms aren't that strong yet so I can't hold myself up all the way. I just lay there and whine so my Mommy feels bad for me and picks me up.
This month I was blessed in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My Dad blessed me, and gave me my name. It will be one of the greatest experiences in my life. My Mom's cousin Jesse Pew, best friend Phil Clevinger, Grandpa Mastaler, and Great Uncle Bill Hackett all stood in the circle. Mom's best friend Julie Gilmer and her family were there, her good friends Jeff and Kelly Hume, Trent, Ammiel, the whole Pew clan and of course my Grandparents. I felt very loved and I'm so grateful for the blessing that my Dad gave me. It was a very special day. My Mom even got up and bore her testimony. I remember that she said that the best thing she will be able to give her children is to live her life the best she can so that we may be able to know Christ through her. I am grateful for her testimony.
Now that I'm older, I get to go to church every Sunday! I love it! I haven't made it through one sacrament without crying yet, but at least I hold it in until the meeting is almost over. And then i go to primary with my Mommy and it's a lot of fun being with all of the primary kids. My Mom teaches the 8-9 yr. old girls. They always smile at me and tell me how cute I am! One sunday, the Bishops son told my Mom, "What a cute baby you have!" What a sweet little boy! Oh and my first time going to church for all three meetings, they reorganized the Bishopric! That was REALLY neat to see. I'm so grateful to be a part of this church.
I went to the park for the first time for Jeff and Kelly Hume's going away barbeque. It was pretty exciting. I was so excited that I couldn't even eat! (And I was pretty hungry too!)I met a lot of Mommy's friends and it was a lot fun.
National Night Out
This month I got to see Daddy at work! I saw him in his SWAT uniform, with all of his guns and everything. They did a demonstration with there big SWAT trucks. It was REALLY neat! My Daddy is my hero!
I had a little shopping date with my Mom and Auntie. We saw puppies, went to the scrap book store, the shoe store, the book store and so much more! I did pretty well for my first big shopping experience but I got a little bit cranky towards the end and didn't want to be pushed in my stroller anymore.
So there's this thing called my car seat...and I don't like it at all!! It is for the car...and that's it! If you take me out of the car in my car seat, I won't last very long. Mom thought she'd take me to Costco and leave me in my car seat while she shopped around, and I made her pay by screaming my head off when we got in line. Everyone stared at her and she was pretty embarrassed. I do feel kinda bad...but I just can't stand my car seat!
I was babysat by Grandpa for the first time! Also, Ammiel (Mommy's good friend) and Dawn (one of my Mommy's students Mommy's)babysat me too! I get passed around while Mommy teaches her piano and voice students. I don't mind it. I like all my friends. Also, Grandma watched me while Mom and Dad went out for their four year anniversary. It was their first date since I was born. I'm glad they go on dates. That's what Mommy and Daddy's need. I can't for their five year anniversary. We are going to go to Disneyworld, (We are going also because Uncle Scotty's coming home from his mission) and they are bringing me with them! It's going to be a whole family affair! I can't wait!!!
Who ever thought so much could happen in two months and I'm sure I'm forgetting things. My Mom can't believe how so much fits in to such a short amount of time. I can tell that my Mom is starting to get a routine down. She's also getting used to being a stay at home Mom. Although she teaches a lot of students, she still spends a lot of time with me and at home. That's definitely the way it should be, because I love her a lot and I'm glad that she's the one taking care of me. Although Daddy is at work most of the time, I get to see him a lot too. I love my family so much and I'm really grateful to be in such a good home.
Monday, July 19, 2010
length: approx 22inches
weight: approx. 10 lbs.
clothes:NB and some 0-3 (This past week I just started to fit in to most of my clothes. Before, a lot of them would hang off my skinny body)
diaper size: I JUST moved up to size 1 I'm moving on up!!
I have grayish blue eyes and I'm not sure what color they will be but everyone thinks I will end up with my Daddy's big blue eyes.
I already have nicknames from my Mommy and Daddy
From my Mom: Mr. Bug, Buggy, or just BUG, Booger, Mister, Hunny Bun
From my Dad: Big Boy, Frog man, Frogger (Because of how I always have my legs and that's what they call Navy Seals)
I get really impatient when I'm hungry and act like it's the end of the world when I don't get food right away.
I almost always go to sleep in my basinett but then end up in bed next to my Mom after my midnight feedings (Mommy REALLY likes to cuddle with me. Daddy says that she treats me like her own personal doll)Plus I cry when I have to go back to my own bed. My parents bed is just SO comfy!
I HATE the cold and I usually cry when I get my diaper changed because I'm so exposed to the elements. Not cool...
I have a lot of dark brown hair, long fingers, and long feet. My body is pretty slender too...I don't even have to work out and I look pretty good! Although I'm start to get a breast milk belly...hmmm...I better watch that.
I'm a pretty good sleeper and can sleep through loud noises, like fireworks on the 4th of July, and gun shots (I know that may sound weird, but my Daddy really likes to go shooting and I guess he's already starting to get me used to it) Also, I like to sleep all sprawled out. (Like my Daddy)
During the end of my first month I've been crying so much that I'm starting to lose my voice. It sounds raspy...My Mommy really doesn't like it, because she worries about my vocal chords and well being too of course. It's like she wants me to be a singer or something. I don't know why I've been crying so much, maybe I'm going through a phase or something.
I get the hiccups a lot.
I have a really cool room that my Mom decorated for me in Sea Turtles, kind of like Finding Nemo, that's her favorite Pixar movie, and I can't wait til' I get to sleep and play in there. I'm too small right now.
I wiggle around a lot.
I'm pretty much really, really, really, really, really, really, good looking. Don't believe me? Just look at my first baby model photo shoot, then you'll believe me.
Go to Proofs Username:Rosalie Password:Mastaler
Oh and quick side note, during this photo shoot something really cool happened. I wanted to laugh SO hard, but I don't know how to yet. But get this...I peed and pooped ALL over my Dad when we did this photo shoot. It was great! We all got a good laugh out of it.
My favorite is when I'm held in burping position over the shoulder, with my back being rubbed or patted. I also like it when my Mom sings "La La Lu" to me. That's the song she always sings to get me to calm down, but sometimes it takes a lot of singing because I cry just to cry sometimes...
I'm pretty strong. From the very beginning I could hold up my head pretty well, and I can even shimmy and kinda crawl over my boppy when my Mom puts me on my tummy. I don't like to do it...but she said that it will make me stronger so I guess I'll deal.
Some of the cutest things I do, and I think this is general with all babies...is sneeze, yawn, hiccup, make faces, cough, okay I guess everything I do is extremely adorable, and this is according to my Mommy and Daddy, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles...okay EVERYONE...but like I said, that's according to them, I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything.
Well, speaking of bragging...I better stop talking about myself or I may sound a little self centered, but I just want to say one more thing that is REALLY important.
My Mommy and Daddy give me a lot of hugs, and kisses. They always stare at me, and although that may seem like it would be awkward, every time they look at me, I can see the love in their eyes for me. I know that I mean everything to them and they love me more than I will ever know. I guess that must mean that I'm pretty special. I know that I've changed their world since the day I was born, and they seem really happy about it. I'm so glad that I will be with them for all of eternity.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Here is my baby story! It starts from the moment when I went in to labor to when they laid my sweet baby boy on my chest. I can't believe that I have this story to tell, because child birth is such an amazing thing and I'm so grateful that I am able to be a Mom. So here goes!
June 25th was a normal day...
I've been pretty active my whole pregnancy, and even on this day Michael and I woke up, did a few things around the house, went to the movies, Costco, and even Lowes. While Michael put some finishing touches on Hunter's room, I went to AV Idol to support one of my students and of course my town! I felt perfectly fine...I even sat down on the grass and was able to get up without anyone's help LOL
IT BEGINS...That night at about 9:15pm while I was driving home I started to notice a little bit of pain in my lower abdomen. It wasn't bad, but enough to notice and kind of wonder if something was going on. I felt it again probably about 15 to twenty minutes later, and then one more time when I walked up the stairs to my bedroom. I started get curious about the pain, so Michael and I googled it. Well, people always say that when you're having a contraction, your stomach gets hard and you definitely KNOW, but that was NOT the case for me. When I read that it could feel like a menstrual cramp lasting anywhere from 30 to 70 seconds, I knew that I was having them. I told Michael that I may be starting to have them, not really thinking TOO much about it, but I thought I should start paying attention to them. A few minutes after that one came a little bit stronger, and then...MY WATER BROKE!!!
IT REALLY BEGINS!!! 10:15 pm My first thoughts...NO WAY!! This could not be happening! We all thought he was coming late. Only 4 days before at my 38 week appt. I was not even checked for progress because I wasn't feeling anything, and then all of sudden he decides to surprise us and come!?!? I immediately start crying because I did not feel ready...mentally I was NOT ready to have this baby. I just had a regular day that was about to end in a not so regular way, and that was NOT supposed to happen. Well, my dear sweet husband kept telling me, "It's okay, it's okay". I took a quick shower...cried...got dressed...cried...and then got a priesthood blessing...I distinctly remember sitting in the chair, of course crying, shaking so uncontrollably that Michael's hands could not rest on my head. I was nervous...BEYOND nervous, but I kept telling myself, "I can do it...I'm going to meet Hunter today...I can do it...I can do it..."
Quick SIDE NOTE For those of you that know me well, know that I am a HUGE woose! (spelling? lol) A pansy, cry baby, low tolerance of pain etc. I have NEVER had one stitch, broken bone, trip to the hospital for being sick, minor surgery, etc. I've pretty much had a physically pain free and healthy life. Also, I have a phobia of needles, so much that I pretty much cry even when they take a little bit of blood, and I can't stand hospitals, doctors, or anything medical (I DO have a strong appreciation for it all, but they freak me out! Oh and both mine and Michael's Mom's are nurses and I STILL love them ha ha ha) SOoooo hence all of the nervousness, shaking and crying! Okay, now back to my baby story!
THE HOSPITAL 11pm So we made our way to the hospital...I was already packed and pretty much ready to go so it didn't take us too long to leave and get there (Plus Michael's professional driving skills got us there pretty quick) First thing we do when we get there and I started the whole paperwork process. I pretty much stayed really quiet, which is how I get when I'm REALLY nervous, and when the nurses saw me and asked if I was nervous I would just quietly answer..."ya..." and shake my head "yes".
TRIAGE 11:30pm After checking in, I was lead to the triage room...there was no turning back now. I put on the gown (backwards mind you, by accident lol), and after some time they checked me to see if it was really my water that broke, and then they checked to see if I was dialating. This is where the pain began. Not to get too personal, but I have a weird cervix that's placed a little farther back then normal, so for them to check me is a little bit harder than an average person and VERY painful. I just closed my eyes, Michael rubbed my forehead, and bared through the pain, and only cried at the very end when she REALLY had to reach...I was at a 2. (After she left and I wiped my first "pain tears" of the night, I thought about if I would ever be able to do this again. So far it was starting off harder than I ever thought...but knowing that I was going to be able to meet Hunter soon made everything somewhat bearable) Finally, they took my blood and put in my IV. (I didn't cry...I wanted to...but didn't...I was REALLY trying to be brave because these things were the least of my worries at the moment, and I knew that I had to start being strong somewhere!)
LABOR AND DELIVERY Approx. 1am This is where I started asking tons of questions trying to get a clear picture of how everything was going to go. "What happens next? What is that for? When would I get my epidural? When do I get checked again to see if I'm progressing? Etc." At this point I started to notice my contractions getting stronger, and closer together. My doctor left it up to me when to get the epidural and so when I felt like I couldn't take the pain much longer I would tell the nurse. When that time came my hopes were that I was at least half way to 10 so I could be half way done. When she checked me, it was an excruciating pain, especially since I started having a contraction while she was checking me and I was finally at a four. She gave me some pain medicine that completely knocked me out, and then when I woke up from the pain it was time for an epidural.
THE DREADED YET SATISFYING EPIDURAL Approx. 4am Like I said before I have a needle phobia, and I was not looking forward to the epidural...but when those contractions started to get stronger, I was ready. People say that it doesn't hurt, or that it's a small pinch, and yadda yadda, but this is what it was for me. It was an extremely uncomfortable feeling, that felt so awkward that it almost hurt, or pretty much hurt just a little and the process took a little longer than I thought, especially because people would say that it took only a few seconds. Lastly, just the thought of the procedure was terrifying in it itself. It's a very serious procedure that can have VERY serious consequences, but mine went well. I was grateful to be able to relax and rest for a few a hours before I had to start pushing.
TIME TO PUSH When it comes to what time everything else happened, it all seems a blur. At about 6am there was a shift change and I got a nurse who ended up being SO wonderful. I will always remember her! At this time I was at about a 6 and after a few more hours I was at a 10. When it came time to push it didn't seem real. I felt like there was going to be some sort of climax to pushing but there wasn't. All of sudden I just started doing it! Pushing was a lot harder than I thought and since I was already up the whole day and night before I was beyond exhausted. In between contractions all I want to do was sleep...it was SO hard to find the energy to push. Near the end I could feel that my epidural had either worn off, or my body wasn't taking to it anymore. The last few pushes were excruciating and although I was pretty quiet the whole way through, at the end I just started yelling at my Doctor, through sobs and tears, "Get him out of ME! Get him out of me!" I pushed and pushed, and finally he did the episiotomy (cut me) and it was over.
MY BABY After pushing for about one hour, they laid my baby boy on my chest...all I could do was cry, partly because the pain was over and also because my baby was here...he was finally here. All I thought was, "My baby, it's my baby". I remember looking up at Michael and seeing the smile on his face. It was a smile that I had never seen before. He stared at Hunter and then Michael gave me a big kiss on my forehead and then my lips. There are so many words to describe this moment and all of my feelings. I honestly could write, think and talk about this moment in time for years, but if I could choose only one, single word to describe this moment, it would be, Heavenly.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
You know you're pregnant when...
- You cry or tear up almost every time you here a song that reminds you about being a Mom, or when you think about holding your baby.
- During the last trimester, your feet don't really fit into your shoes anymore and when you put on your cute white Pumas, your feet look like fat marshmallows...good thing it's Summer for me and I'm able to where flip flops pretty much everywhere I go.
- Near the end, your hips really ache after a full night of lying on your side, which is pretty much the only way you can sleep!
- You feel like you have a really good excuse to be bratty and irrational! lol
- You get compliments on the little/big bump you've gained right in your tummy area.
- You all of a sudden have a connection with tons of women because they've gone or are going through the same thing you are.
- You HATE wearing a bra because you're carrying SO high that it's SO incredibly uncomfortable!
- You can't eat some of your favorite things...such as sushi...which is my ALL time fav. meal, and sunny side up eggs, which is one of my favorite breakfast meal.
- You are VERY irritable even when you don't mean to be!
- You go to the grocery store and want everything you see...HINT eat before you go! (and even that doesn't completely help sometimes lol)
- Whenever anyone talks about a certain food, or you see something good on tv, you automatically want it!
- You have sciatica )=
- Almost every store you walk in, you want to go look at the baby's stuff.
- The bathroom is your best friend (Not for morning sickness, but for a full bladder)
- You feel like you're constantly seeing the doctor, and taking tests, etc.
- You wake up with excruciating leg cramps in the middle of the night that leave you extremely sore.
- You can't help but just stare at or be in your babies nursery, and just imagine him there in his crib or playing with toys.
- You're about one week away from your due date and you don't feel anything!!
- You don't feel bad about always asking your husband to put lotion on your feet every night, help you put your shoes on, or pick things up off the ground so you don't have to bend over.
- You sometimes eat just a little more food than you normally would and say that it's for the baby.
- You don't really have any clothes to wear...
- You're friends who already have kids, are always SO excited for you, and you just can't wait to see what the excitement is all about.
A quick side note, my heart goes out to all those who are not able to experience this beautiful thing, but I hope and pray that they will at least be able to experience motherhood in one way or another.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
As I was thinking about what to write on this wonderful Father's Day, I thought it would be fun to write down all the reasons why I think Michael is going to make an amazing Daddy. He is almost an official Dad, actually any day now it will become official, so I guess right now are my last few moments to ponder on why I think he's GOING to be an amazing Dad, and then next year I can write about how he IS an amazing Dad! (=
- Ever since I've been pregnant, there is an excitement that I have seen in him that I have never seen before.
- He LOVES babies! I think he may even love them more than me.
- Whenever we are around my friends babies he'll play with them.
- He's patient...he's married to me...he HAS to be (and likewise LOL sorry, I just HAD to throw that in ha ha ha)
- He's very energetic, playful and fun loving. I know that our kids will LOVE to play with their Daddy.
- He is very protective. I know that our kids will feel extremely safe and protected by their Daddy. I know that I do.
- Every time we are with babies, or little kids he loves to teach them little things just to see if they can do it, like sticking out their tongues, or blowing bubbles in the water and what not. He has a LOT of fun with this! ha ha ha ha
- Most importantly, he has a strong testimony and knowledge of the gospel and he will teach our children to love the gospel.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Part of the reason I've loved my job so much is because I've made a special friend along the way. Who ever thought that you could become best friends with your boss, but I did. Everyday we would work in close quarters, and it didn't take long for us to become close friends. I've learned so much from her, and she's really helped me to grow. I'm grateful for her and know that we will be life long friends.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Last night something hit me a little harder than it ever has before. I've definitely thought about how Michael and I soon won't be alone much longer, but last night, for the first time, I was kind of sad about it. We've had about four wonderful years together, just him and I, and there was even many years before then. We've known each other for almost ten years now, and although those past ten years we weren't always together, we were never known as parents, but just us (if that makes sense). Now the time has come and soon we are going to be bringing life into this world and it's going to be the most amazing thing ever. I know it's going to be life changing, and more than I could ever expect, but one thing for sure is that the relationship between Michael and I will change. I don't mean that in a negative way, AT ALL, but it will be a big change in our lives. Don't get me wrong, we can't wait for a little man to arrive. We are counting down the days, hours and minutes, and we look forward to and are so incredibly thankful for this is amazing blessing.
Last night I cuddled with Michael and I told him, "I'm going to miss it just being you and I." He innocently replies, "Ya, you're going to have a new love of your life" And then I told him, "But you will always be my number one!" I told him that we'll still have to hang out, with just him and I! These feelings DO NOT take away from the excitement of having our little Hunter, but it seems like we've learned about more and more cases where the wife/mother, forget about their husbands because they are so infatuated with their children. It's not healthy. Heavenly Father first gave me a husband and then we will have our dear, sweet children. We will raise them together, as a team, and we will be a foundation for them to rely on. How could we do that if we are not one? Husband and wife time is so important and it makes me sad to see mothers who have forgotten that. I will be attached to my children (How could I not be!?) But I'm already attached to my husband and will be forever. Besides, before we know it, our kids will grow, and then it will be just Michael and I again. These feelings and thoughts DO NOT take away from motherhood whatsoever, but I hope that mothers/wives remember to keep a strong and eternal bond with their husband so that they may raise their children together as one.
Friday, May 28, 2010
It was a Sunday morning, November 8th, and I woke up debating about whether or not to take a pregnancy test. It would be my 5th or 6th time trying...I honestly stopped counting after the first few attempts. I didn't have any symptoms, but I just wanted to know just in case there was that small chance of being pregnant.
On this particular morning, Michael wasn't home yet because he was working a graveyard shift and he still had about another hour until he came home. I never liked to take a pregnancy tests while he was there anyway, because I never wanted him to see the heartache in my eyes every time it came up negative, so it was nothing new to not have him there.
So, I took a test...and then I saw something that I had never seen before, a very faint, second line which means positive. Before I got excited, I thought...no way...so I took another...there it was again, that second line that was barely there. I'm thinking, if they want you to know you're pregnant wouldn't they make that second line super bright, or have some recording that says, YAY! Congratulations you're going to be a MOMMY!!! But no...a tiny, little, extremely faint second line...dumb...I needed more proof! It was just TOO good to be true! So a somewhat flustered Rosalie, not really knowing what to do with herself, called up Michael to see how far he was from home. In his normal excited tone he said, "I'm on the road now!". I always loved hearing those words come out of his mouth because that meant he made it through another day of work and he was coming home to me. I stayed calm, not mentioning anything, and happily told him that I'd see him soon!
Since he works about thirty minutes away, I thought...okay...okay...just enough time to run to the store REALLY quick, and get one of those fancy, digital tests that have a little screen that say, "Pregnant", and "Not Pregnant". So off I went, still trying to hold back the biggest excitement of my life. I got the test, took it the moment I walked in the door...oh wait...I had to down some water first, which was a little frustrating, but after a few minutes I was able to take it ha ha ha ha...and...you guessed it. It said "Pregnant"! I remember reading these words and being in disbelief and amazement...stunned, shocked, speechless, thoughtless (if that's possible) and SO much more. But I had to put all of those emotions aside because I had plans on how I wanted to tell the Daddy to be, so that meant I couldn't cry yet, or even freak out because that would give it away and he would to know the moment he saw me. (Side note: This was NOT an easy task!)
Let's go back about 9 months...around Easter time was one of the many times I thought I was pregnant. So I started to figure out how I wanted to tell Michael. I made him this really nice book. The kind you create online, that looks like an actual book that you'd find in a library. The title was Celebrate Everyday Life and on the last page I wrote:
MOMMY & DADDY!
Love, Beautiful and "BABY"
So after I took the third test, I got the book ready. Starting to get a little impatient to tell him the big news, I called him one more time to see where he was and he was almost home. I told him that I had a late birthday gift for him so "hurry"! (His birthday is Sept. 11)
I impatiently laid in bed with the book under a pillow, and the tests hidden by my bed stand. Finally, a very tired Michael walks in, but I could tell that he was excited for his gift (I pretty much always give the best gifts, so how could he not be!? ha ha ha) I revealed the book and he smiles (later I find out that his thoughts when he saw the book were, "Ummm...how many books can I get?" ha ha ha In his defense, I kind of do make him a lot of things like that...but what can I say, I'm extremely sentimental!) So he started reading...and I waited what seemed like an eternity for him to get the last page and when he finally got there he read it and says, "Awww...thank you!" and gives me a hug. Bewildered Rosalie: "Did you read it!?" (Thinking...does he get it!?) Michael: "Yes"...and he obviously didn't completely put it together, and then I pulled out the tests, and broke down into the happiest cry I had ever cried in my entire life. The Daddy to be finally knew that he was a DADDY TO BE!
I remember crying and crying as we held each other, knowing that our lives had changed forever. It took a minute or two for Michael to digest everything, and there was some shock on his face, but that shock soon turned into an amazing joy, and at that moment we were the two luckiest people on Earth...The moment we had waited for, for many months, days, and weeks, had finally come.
Since that moment, it has been pure bliss. I've never seen Michael more excited for anything, and I'm sure he could say the same for me. I'll never forget what he put on my Mother's Day card, "Thank you for giving me a son...thank you for choosing to become a Mommy".
I will never forget that day...it has brought me to so many unforgettable days...when I heard his heartbeat for the first time, when I found out the baby was going to be a precious little boy, when I felt him move...
I've never felt more blessed in my life.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Yesterday, two of my dear friends were married and sealed for all time and eternity.
I've known Jeff and Kelly for many years now, about eight years all together. I met Jeff in high school through church. We were in the same seminary class and later became better friends through choir and drama. I met Kelly through shenanigans when I was about 17, and being that she is six years younger than me, she took on the role of a little sister, and later became a best friend. I immediately fell in love with her family, and I have always seen the Miller family as my very own. Mari, Granny, Nelson, and Virginia will always have a special place in my heart. It was great to share Kelly's wedding day with them, and see their beaming smiles as they watched their baby girl, all dressed in white, take the big step of becoming a wife.
Jeff and Kelly had a permanent smile the whole day (for Kelly, that's pretty much the norm, but imagine an even bigger smile!!). Throughout the whole day, everyone could see the love that they had for each other. There is no way to describe how beautiful Kelly looked, and Jeff...well let's just say that Jeff is a VERY lucky man!
I had the honor of being a part of the best bridal party that there ever was. On the brides side, we had a sister, a room mate, a life long friend, a high school friend, and two friends from Shenanigans. All who have grown very close to Kelly and love her so much! It was a fun group of girls, and it was fun getting to know them. It was a special time for all of us as we did her make up and hair and got her ready for one of the biggest days in her life. Jeff had five close friends from church, and his brother. They all have the same goofy and fun personality like Jeff, and it made for some good times while we took pictures, party'd at the reception, and spent the day together.
Being at the San Diego temple, where Michael and I were married about four years ago, really made me think back to when we had our big day. I thought back about how wonderful that day was, and how that was the beginning of us. It doesn't really feel like it was that long ago, and I think that's partly because I'm still in love with him as much as I was when we got married (times 10)...but even more...we have grown so much since then, experienced many "things" (for lack of better words) and are now ready and about to take the next big step in our lives, parenthood.
I'm so excited for Jeff and Kelly to know the happiness of marriage and to be able to spend the rest of eternity together as man and wife. I love them both so much, and know that they will live "happily ever after".
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Well...I'm packing for the hospital. I have just about one month left so I decided that I better get ready. Doing stuff like this makes it all seem so real and like it's SO close...well I guess it is close! I'm not going to lie, I'm getting a little nervous, but I'm extremely excited too. I haven't really blogged about my pregnancy so I thought I'd put these last nine months in a nutshell...
Morning sickness: I got lucky and didn't really get sick! Strong food smells would bother me, and body odors seemed a lot stronger than normal, but rating my sickness between 1 and 10 (10 being the worst) I would definitely say I was at a 3
Worst part: sciatica, especially at night when I had to roll over or get up to go to the restroom. Leg and feet cramps...cramps are horrible...Oh and being overly sensitive, emotional, and irritable...ugh I hated that.
Best part: Although there has been bad parts about being pregnant, the good has definitely out weighed the bad and I was a pretty happy camper through out the whole pregnancy. I've really REALLY enjoyed being pregnant.
Cravings: In the beginning it was popcorn, the good home made kind with not very much butter or salt. Then it was coconut, and tomatoes ( I could eat the tomatoes like apples, and I really loved spaghetti and pizza because of the sauce. ) And then fruit was also my best friend pretty much the whole way, but I'm already a big fruit fan as it is.
What I was expecting: I was expecting pregnancy to be a lot worse than it has been...although I heard that the last month is by far the worst...so I guess we'll see what happens in the next few weeks! I did expect an aching back, but it hasn't been that bad. I was expecting to be hungry all the time, but that hasn't been the case, and I was expecting to be tired all the time too, but I haven't even taken one nap! I didn't know about the sciatica so that was an unpleasant surprise, and the same for the cramps. I also didn't know that your ribs could hurt so much! But I guess since I was carrying so high that was the price I had to pay. Now that he has started to drop I feel much better. It has been good!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
As Michael and I painted Hunter's room, I thought, "Wow, we are putting in a lot of effort to make his room amazing and to think that he won't even be able to or understand how to appreciate it...so...why are we working so hard?" It was kind of a funny thought, but at the same time, it was SO true. By the time we are done his room will definitely be the best decorated and cared for room in the house. Michael then said something that made me think a little differently. He told me that we have to make his room the best because he goes into too many homes where the kids are sleeping on mattresses on the ground with their mom, and mom's boyfriend, etc. because the mom is too worried about her drugs, and her pitiful life to provide a good home for her child. That really made me stop and think...we want to provide the best home we can, and we will...and although he may not know it right away, or for many years to come, he will eventually know.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I wanted to share some quick thoughts and quotes...
Rosalie: What are you most excited for when the baby comes?
Michael: The baby.
Michael: (Puts his hand on my tummy right when he wakes up)
Rosalie: (Barely awake) He's not moving right now.
Michael: Why not?
Rosalie: Because he's probably sleeping.
Michael: Well....wake him up!
Rosalie: (wiggles...Hunter moves)
Just another Michael Monday... Since Michael started his new shift (4/10's) I feel like we don't get to see each other that much...that extra just seems like a lot more time away from home! But I worked it out with my work and piano schedule that we will almost always have the whole day of Monday completely to ourselves. Some people don't look forward to Mondays, but it has become my favorite day! Yesterday was the perfect day...and I REALLY do mean that! We had a lazy, lay in bed, morning...I would say that WE slept in, but I don't sleep in, so I just kept Michael company while he slept in for a little bit (that means until about 8:30 am...we really don't sleep in ha ha ha). We went out to breakfast at Mimi's, did a few things around the house, went to my Doctor's appointment together, heard our little boy's heart beat, picked up his crib, came home, did the dishes together, made dinner while he gave the dogs a bath, and then we ate a yummy home made dinner...by the end of the day I felt really blessed and so grateful for the life I have...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
So I thought it would be fun to write the story of Michael and I...
This is my version...if you talk to Michael you may get a different story, but know that mine is the more accurate one! (=
Michael and I kind of knew of each other from seminary, but never really talked. When I was 16 I was dating someone who was on the same baseball team as Michael, and during one of their games he came up to the fence, flashed his charming smile, and said something to the affect of, "Hey, you're Rosalie, we go to seminary together don't we?". I thought, "Why, Mr. Mastaler...are you flirting with me at my boyfriends baseball game?!". A dated that boyfriend for a little while longer, and then ended breaking up mainly because of difference of religion. Soon after that Michael and I started to become friends...I guess that's when it all began...
After getting to know each other a little bit more at school, I invited him over to my house to watch a movie, "The Wedding Planner". When he showed up he locked his keys in the car (I think he was a little nervous ha ha ha). That was the first time we held hands. We hung out a few more times after that, and then we went on our first "big" date. We went to the movies, "Monsters Inc." at Ontario Mills (that was the "big" part of it), and then when he dropped me off he kissed me for the first time. I would have to say that after that we were pretty much inseparable. I remember our first Valentine's Day together...2002...eight years ago!! WOAH! My two friends were dating his two friends, and so they made us a romantic homemade dinner. He also surprised me with rose petals all over my room, a big, pink stuffed animal frog, and a teddy bear that was holding a heart that said "Be Mine". He also gave me a heart shaped box full of chocolates! Oh and not only did he do that, but in each of my classes he left a sweet homemade Valentine on my desk so I would get it when I walked in my classroom! My favorite one had a train drawn on it that said, "I choo choo choose you." (Thank you Lisa Simpson) I knew that I had found a real keeper, and that night he asked me the big question...that's right...he asked me, "Will you go out with me?" And so...I'm sure you can guess that I said "Yes" and we were finally official!! (I know, aren't teenage love stories so completely awesome!? ha ha ha)
I went to his Senior Prom, he went to my Junior Homecoming and we were pretty much smitten! After about a year of dating, halfway in to my Senior Year, Michael was preparing fora mission, we were young, and in love, yet we had our differences which lead to a lot of disagreements, and we pretty much went out separate ways. He left for Tennessee to serve the Lord, I hung around the home for about a year after high school, and then left for New York to work. We got home at about the same time, went to Hawaii together (thanks Moms) and I somehow fell back in love with my sweet high school sweetheart. It took him a little bit of time to completely accept the fact that he was in love too, but right when we got home from Hawaii we were once again inseparable. It didn't take too long to know that we loved each other enough to spend the rest of our lives together, but soon after all of those feelings developed, were separated by 7,600 miles. I left for Russia to teach English for about six months, and I knew that if we could be apart for that long, without any contact except frequent e-mails, and seldom phone calls, then it was the right thing to do. Leaving him was so hard, and I even thought about staying home and passing up the opportunity, but I knew that it was what I had to do. It was while I was in Russia that I really knew that I was supposed to marry Michael, and no less than 24 hours after I got home, he put a ring on my finger.
I'm sure you can guess what happens next...I got home in June, and we got married in August. I got my lifelong Valentine, and he will always "Be Mine". I love him so much and always will. We definitely have our differences, quite a few of them, but if you think about it, in a puzzle there are no two pieces that are the same and it still fits together. He makes me laugh, and smile, and there is no way that I could live without him. No, our marriage isn't perfect, and honestly there isn't anyone that can drive me more crazy than he can, but there isn't anyone who I could love more than I love him. So here we are...8 years after that special Valentine's Day...who would have ever thought!? I'm grateful that Heavenly Father gave me such a handsome, wonderful man who protects me, loves me, provides for me, and makes me happy. Happy Valentine's Day!
Monday, February 8, 2010
If you are reading this, you are obviously someone in my life, possibly a relative but definitely my friend. You may know me really well, and we have a lot of memories together, or maybe you’ve only known me for a few short years...either way, you are someone that is in my life, and no matter who you are, I am grateful you are reading this.
With that being said, I wish this was more personal. I wish that you, as a reader and my friend could have a hand written letter, delivered to your front door, with a pretty stamp in the top right corner, and a wax seal on the back...I know it sounds a bit old fashioned, but as you read this, whether you are at work or at home, I hope it’s more than sitting in front of a computer, reading some meaningless words on page. I hope you hear my voice, as I tell you about a great man who is one of the most important people in my life. I hope you hang on to every word from beginning to end and I would like to apologize for the length, but know that this is only a small bit of what I have on my mind, and how does one only write a few short sentences about this man? Lastly, thank you again for reading this, I hope you can at least get a small glimpse of my thoughts as I tell you about the man that I know as my Opa.
Frank A. Lucardie was born in Indonesia on May 15, 1933. He had two brothers and a little sister. Growing up during the war he went through a lot. “A lot” being an understatement, and more than anyone should ever have to go through. I remember hearing about how when he was a young boy and how his father went off to war. He waved goodbye to him, as he rode off in a train, and never saw him again. His little sister, Rosalina, was killed, at a very young age. We did not know her name until after I was born, but you can imagine how special my name meant to me after finding out it was my Opa’s sisters name. During the war there were times when he was a prisoner, and had to live in camps. I remember one time I played Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata for him. When I was done playing the song, with tears in his eyes he was able to tell me the story of this one time when he was held captive along with a group of people. I do not know the specifics, but I know that they were told that they were going to be killed in the morning. That night, someone played that song on the piano,..they were rescued before the morning came…Somehow my Opa put the war behind him. I can’t even fathom,,,he never really spoke of it. I guess the person that he became, a strong survivor, says more than words ever could.
My Oma and Opa had three beautiful children, Glenn, Bridget (Brigitta…who’s my Mom) and then John. When my Mom was a baby, they packed up all that they had and moved here to America. They were able to provide a much better life for them than they ever had. My Opa became an engineer and he traveled the world for his job. He had a very important job of traveling to different countries and helping with water purification. He really was a very smart, intelligent and brilliant man. I always remember hearing that he was “over seas”. When I was little, I heard it so much that I thought that it was an actual place. I remember seeing pictures of him in all of these foreign countries. My favorite picture is of him on the Great Wall in China. I remember he brought home a huge stuffed panda bear for me; it instantly became my favorite toy. My Opa loved to travel. When I lived in Russia, I would write home about all of the places I was able to see, my Mom would reply and tell me that I was just like my Opa, with a strong passion to travel and see the world. It was an honor to be compared to him. Somehow the “travel gene” was passed on to me through him. Even in his older age, my Opa was still traveling. While I was in Russia, he was in Yemen and I was able to read the letters that he wrote home…I remember reading about how much he loved my Oma. They always bickered, pretty much every time I was with them, but there love for each other is more than I can put into words. I always loved to watch them dance together. When they were younger, they used to be in dance contests, dancing to the sounds of the Big Bands. They were able to experience my favorite kind of music first hand. I wish I could go back in time and watch them.
When he was young, he always wanted to play the piano. I know that he always wanted lessons, but his family could not afford it. That did not stop him from discovering that he had a great love and passion for music. My Opa loved jazz and classical may have even had a bigger place in his heart. When I was younger he would always tell me about these different composers, Chopin, Mozart, Beethoven and more. He would listen to them constantly. When my Mom was young he tried to get her to play the piano, and develop the same love of music that he had, but for some reason she didn’t take to it. March 11, 1985, my Opa was blessed with his second granddaughter…me. When we were little my brother and I always stayed the night at their house. I remembered we played games a lot and I can remember every little detail about their home. The smell, the little nick nacks on the shelves, the kitchen…everything. Most of all I remembered how much I loved it there. When my Opa discovered that I had a talent and love for music, no matter what the occasion was he would always ask me about the piano, and tell me to always practice. I loved the piano, and still do. Next to the gospel and my family, music is my life, love, and passion. Somehow how I was able to play really well, without even having one lesson. I remember playing songs for my Opa, and he would always sing along. My favorite song was Moon River…I always loved to hear him sing it. When I was in my early years of high school he introduced me to the most amazing song “Clair De Lune” by Debussey. That was the first big classical piece that I learned, and I fell in love with it. Whenever I hear that song, I can’t help but think of my Opa. I recently had a recital, with all of my students and I dedicated it to him, my “Clair De Lune”.
As he came closer to the end of his life I was able to reflect upon all of the great memories that we’ve shared. Going out to eat at Asian restaurants and being amazed at how he could pick up more than one peanut with his chopsticks, spending a whole day with just him and I as he showed me all around Vegas. A funny one I have is when he gave me an adult Tylenol when I was kid...I chewed it…it wasn’t a chewable pill…and the closest place to get rid of it was behind there couch…my silly Opa. If only I could write forever I could write all of my memories that I have with him…
This past November when I saw him, he said I looked a fatigued…I admit I was a little tired, but I didn’t think I looked that bad. He went home, and told my Oma, that he thought I was pregnant. A few days later I found out I was pregnant. He was more than thrilled to find out I am having a boy. When I cut my finger, he just happened to go in to the hospital on the same night that I did, and he patted my tummy and said, “My boy”. Those were some of the last words I ever heard him say.
Near the end there were some very difficult times. It was heart wrenching when he told me that he could be dying, and that he’d watch me from above. Then the hardest part of all was seeing him in a hospital bed, barely conscience. I thought: how could such a strong brilliant man be in this condition? That night I brought him some music to listen to with songs that I knew he would love. My Mom played the music for him constantly, until his very last moments here on Earth.
This is definitely one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to go through. My Opa was so much more than a Grandpa to me…like I said, he is my “Clair De Lune”. I wish I could elaborate on what that really meant, but I honestly don’t know how to put it in to words. The pain of missing him is more than I’ve ever felt in my life, and I couldn’t imagine how much harder it would be if I didn’t have a testimony of knowing with all my heart that I will see him again. As I got the message last night from my dear Mom, “Opa is now with Hunter”, our little baby boy who will soon be with us, all I could hold on to, to keep the hurt from being unbearable was, I can’t wait to see him again…I really can’t wait, and I know it’s going to be a long time from now, which makes its worse, but I can and will always hold on to my testimony. The other night, when I knew that it was really close to him passing, I thought about how he’s going to be taken care of when he leaves us. A peace and comfort came over me…I know that people say that he’s going to a “better place”, but wouldn’t you be sad if you had to leave all of your family and loved ones? I remember seeing the look in his eyes when he knew that his time was coming, and I couldn’t help but feel a small piece of the sadness that he was feeling. I knew that he would have to say goodbye soon.
It’s only been about 12 hours since he left us…I think of my poor Mom, who was such a Daddy’s girl. She meant the world to him, and she loved him beyond measure. I also think of my Oma…they’ve spent almost their whole lives together. I can’t imagine what they are going through, but we all know how incredibly lucky we are to have had him in our lives. He was such a strong person, with a brilliant mind, loving heart, and he was my Opa…my very own Opa who I love and adore. I lay here in bed, with a tear stained face, only thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing right now. I know that if he was here, I would get a kiss on each cheek, and then he would gently hold my face as he looked at me with a big smile. I look forward to when he will be able to do that again.
So this is my tribute to him. Nothing could ever do enough justice, but I’ve done my best.
You reading this means more than you know. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart. It’s interesting what we have to go through in life, but everything shapes and molds us into who we are. Heavenly Father blessed me with a great man as my Opa, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’ve also been blessed with the gospel that has and will help more than anything else. Lastly, I would like to leave you with the lyrics of “Moon River”…
“Moon river, wider than a mile, I’m crossing you in style someday.
Old dream maker, you heart breaker. Wherever you’re goin’ I’m goin’ your way.
Two drifters off to see the world, there’s such a lot of world to see.
We’re after the same rainbows end, waiting ‘round the bend,
my huckleberry friend, Moon river and me.”
Thank you friend, for your time, love and support.