November 8th

November 2009 had marked one year since Michael and I decided to start having children...

It was a Sunday morning, November 8th, and I woke up debating about whether or not to take a pregnancy test. It would be my 5th or 6th time trying...I honestly stopped counting after the first few attempts. I didn't have any symptoms, but I just wanted to know just in case there was that small chance of being pregnant.

On this particular morning, Michael wasn't home yet because he was working a graveyard shift and he still had about another hour until he came home. I never liked to take a pregnancy tests while he was there anyway, because I never wanted him to see the heartache in my eyes every time it came up negative, so it was nothing new to not have him there.

So, I took a test...and then I saw something that I had never seen before, a very faint, second line which means positive. Before I got excited, I thought...no way...so I took another...there it was again, that second line that was barely there. I'm thinking, if they want you to know you're pregnant wouldn't they make that second line super bright, or have some recording that says, YAY! Congratulations you're going to be a MOMMY!!! But no...a tiny, little, extremely faint second line...dumb...I needed more proof! It was just TOO good to be true! So a somewhat flustered Rosalie, not really knowing what to do with herself, called up Michael to see how far he was from home. In his normal excited tone he said, "I'm on the road now!". I always loved hearing those words come out of his mouth because that meant he made it through another day of work and he was coming home to me. I stayed calm, not mentioning anything, and happily told him that I'd see him soon!

Since he works about thirty minutes away, I thought...okay...okay...just enough time to run to the store REALLY quick, and get one of those fancy, digital tests that have a little screen that say, "Pregnant", and "Not Pregnant". So off I went, still trying to hold back the biggest excitement of my life. I got the test, took it the moment I walked in the door...oh wait...I had to down some water first, which was a little frustrating, but after a few minutes I was able to take it ha ha ha ha...and...you guessed it. It said "Pregnant"! I remember reading these words and being in disbelief and amazement...stunned, shocked, speechless, thoughtless (if that's possible) and SO much more. But I had to put all of those emotions aside because I had plans on how I wanted to tell the Daddy to be, so that meant I couldn't cry yet, or even freak out because that would give it away and he would to know the moment he saw me. (Side note: This was NOT an easy task!)

Let's go back about 9 months...around Easter time was one of the many times I thought I was pregnant. So I started to figure out how I wanted to tell Michael. I made him this really nice book. The kind you create online, that looks like an actual book that you'd find in a library. The title was Celebrate Everyday Life and on the last page I wrote:

Everyday life is good, because everyday is spent with you. Everyday is a blessing as we live together as husband and wife, and soon to be
MOMMY & DADDY!
Love, Beautiful and "BABY"

So after I took the third test, I got the book ready. Starting to get a little impatient to tell him the big news, I called him one more time to see where he was and he was almost home. I told him that I had a late birthday gift for him so "hurry"! (His birthday is Sept. 11)

I impatiently laid in bed with the book under a pillow, and the tests hidden by my bed stand. Finally, a very tired Michael walks in, but I could tell that he was excited for his gift (I pretty much always give the best gifts, so how could he not be!? ha ha ha) I revealed the book and he smiles (later I find out that his thoughts when he saw the book were, "Ummm...how many books can I get?" ha ha ha In his defense, I kind of do make him a lot of things like that...but what can I say, I'm extremely sentimental!) So he started reading...and I waited what seemed like an eternity for him to get the last page and when he finally got there he read it and says, "Awww...thank you!" and gives me a hug. Bewildered Rosalie: "Did you read it!?" (Thinking...does he get it!?) Michael: "Yes"...and he obviously didn't completely put it together, and then I pulled out the tests, and broke down into the happiest cry I had ever cried in my entire life. The Daddy to be finally knew that he was a DADDY TO BE!

I remember crying and crying as we held each other, knowing that our lives had changed forever. It took a minute or two for Michael to digest everything, and there was some shock on his face, but that shock soon turned into an amazing joy, and at that moment we were the two luckiest people on Earth...The moment we had waited for, for many months, days, and weeks, had finally come.

Since that moment, it has been pure bliss. I've never seen Michael more excited for anything, and I'm sure he could say the same for me. I'll never forget what he put on my Mother's Day card, "Thank you for giving me a son...thank you for choosing to become a Mommy".

I will never forget that day...it has brought me to so many unforgettable days...when I heard his heartbeat for the first time, when I found out the baby was going to be a precious little boy, when I felt him move...

I've never felt more blessed in my life.

And they lived Happily Ever After

I haven't been keeping up on my own life, but yesterday was a very special day for two people, and I feel like I need to write about that while it is fresh in my mind...

Yesterday, two of my dear friends were married and sealed for all time and eternity.

I've known Jeff and Kelly for many years now, about eight years all together. I met Jeff in high school through church. We were in the same seminary class and later became better friends through choir and drama. I met Kelly through shenanigans when I was about 17, and being that she is six years younger than me, she took on the role of a little sister, and later became a best friend. I immediately fell in love with her family, and I have always seen the Miller family as my very own. Mari, Granny, Nelson, and Virginia will always have a special place in my heart. It was great to share Kelly's wedding day with them, and see their beaming smiles as they watched their baby girl, all dressed in white, take the big step of becoming a wife.

Jeff and Kelly had a permanent smile the whole day (for Kelly, that's pretty much the norm, but imagine an even bigger smile!!). Throughout the whole day, everyone could see the love that they had for each other. There is no way to describe how beautiful Kelly looked, and Jeff...well let's just say that Jeff is a VERY lucky man!

I had the honor of being a part of the best bridal party that there ever was. On the brides side, we had a sister, a room mate, a life long friend, a high school friend, and two friends from Shenanigans. All who have grown very close to Kelly and love her so much! It was a fun group of girls, and it was fun getting to know them. It was a special time for all of us as we did her make up and hair and got her ready for one of the biggest days in her life. Jeff had five close friends from church, and his brother. They all have the same goofy and fun personality like Jeff, and it made for some good times while we took pictures, party'd at the reception, and spent the day together.

Being at the San Diego temple, where Michael and I were married about four years ago, really made me think back to when we had our big day. I thought back about how wonderful that day was, and how that was the beginning of us. It doesn't really feel like it was that long ago, and I think that's partly because I'm still in love with him as much as I was when we got married (times 10)...but even more...we have grown so much since then, experienced many "things" (for lack of better words) and are now ready and about to take the next big step in our lives, parenthood.

I'm so excited for Jeff and Kelly to know the happiness of marriage and to be able to spend the rest of eternity together as man and wife. I love them both so much, and know that they will live "happily ever after".

Well...I'm packing for the hospital. I have just about one month left so I decided that I better get ready. Doing stuff like this makes it all seem so real and like it's SO close...well I guess it is close! I'm not going to lie, I'm getting a little nervous, but I'm extremely excited too. I haven't really blogged about my pregnancy so I thought I'd put these last nine months in a nutshell...

Morning sickness: I got lucky and didn't really get sick! Strong food smells would bother me, and body odors seemed a lot stronger than normal, but rating my sickness between 1 and 10 (10 being the worst) I would definitely say I was at a 3

Worst part: sciatica, especially at night when I had to roll over or get up to go to the restroom. Leg and feet cramps...cramps are horrible...Oh and being overly sensitive, emotional, and irritable...ugh I hated that.

Best part: Although there has been bad parts about being pregnant, the good has definitely out weighed the bad and I was a pretty happy camper through out the whole pregnancy. I've really REALLY enjoyed being pregnant.

Cravings: In the beginning it was popcorn, the good home made kind with not very much butter or salt. Then it was coconut, and tomatoes ( I could eat the tomatoes like apples, and I really loved spaghetti and pizza because of the sauce. ) And then fruit was also my best friend pretty much the whole way, but I'm already a big fruit fan as it is.

What I was expecting: I was expecting pregnancy to be a lot worse than it has been...although I heard that the last month is by far the worst...so I guess we'll see what happens in the next few weeks! I did expect an aching back, but it hasn't been that bad. I was expecting to be hungry all the time, but that hasn't been the case, and I was expecting to be tired all the time too, but I haven't even taken one nap! I didn't know about the sciatica so that was an unpleasant surprise, and the same for the cramps. I also didn't know that your ribs could hurt so much! But I guess since I was carrying so high that was the price I had to pay. Now that he has started to drop I feel much better. It has been good!

How much our children mean to us...

As Michael and I painted Hunter's room, I thought, "Wow, we are putting in a lot of effort to make his room amazing and to think that he won't even be able to or understand how to appreciate it...so...why are we working so hard?" It was kind of a funny thought, but at the same time, it was SO true. By the time we are done his room will definitely be the best decorated and cared for room in the house. Michael then said something that made me think a little differently. He told me that we have to make his room the best because he goes into too many homes where the kids are sleeping on mattresses on the ground with their mom, and mom's boyfriend, etc. because the mom is too worried about her drugs, and her pitiful life to provide a good home for her child. That really made me stop and think...we want to provide the best home we can, and we will...and although he may not know it right away, or for many years to come, he will eventually know.

I wanted to share some quick thoughts and quotes...

Rosalie: What are you most excited for when the baby comes?
Michael: The baby.

Michael: (Puts his hand on my tummy right when he wakes up)
Rosalie: (Barely awake) He's not moving right now.
Michael: Why not?
Rosalie: Because he's probably sleeping.
Michael: Well....wake him up!
Rosalie: (wiggles...Hunter moves)

Just another Michael Monday... Since Michael started his new shift (4/10's) I feel like we don't get to see each other that much...that extra just seems like a lot more time away from home! But I worked it out with my work and piano schedule that we will almost always have the whole day of Monday completely to ourselves. Some people don't look forward to Mondays, but it has become my favorite day! Yesterday was the perfect day...and I REALLY do mean that! We had a lazy, lay in bed, morning...I would say that WE slept in, but I don't sleep in, so I just kept Michael company while he slept in for a little bit (that means until about 8:30 am...we really don't sleep in ha ha ha). We went out to breakfast at Mimi's, did a few things around the house, went to my Doctor's appointment together, heard our little boy's heart beat, picked up his crib, came home, did the dishes together, made dinner while he gave the dogs a bath, and then we ate a yummy home made dinner...by the end of the day I felt really blessed and so grateful for the life I have...

Happy Valentine's Day...Here is the story of us

So I thought it would be fun to write the story of Michael and I...

This is my version...if you talk to Michael you may get a different story, but know that mine is the more accurate one! (=

Michael and I kind of knew of each other from seminary, but never really talked. When I was 16 I was dating someone who was on the same baseball team as Michael, and during one of their games he came up to the fence, flashed his charming smile, and said something to the affect of, "Hey, you're Rosalie, we go to seminary together don't we?". I thought, "Why, Mr. Mastaler...are you flirting with me at my boyfriends baseball game?!". A dated that boyfriend for a little while longer, and then ended breaking up mainly because of difference of religion. Soon after that Michael and I started to become friends...I guess that's when it all began...

After getting to know each other a little bit more at school, I invited him over to my house to watch a movie, "The Wedding Planner". When he showed up he locked his keys in the car (I think he was a little nervous ha ha ha). That was the first time we held hands. We hung out a few more times after that, and then we went on our first "big" date. We went to the movies, "Monsters Inc." at Ontario Mills (that was the "big" part of it), and then when he dropped me off he kissed me for the first time. I would have to say that after that we were pretty much inseparable. I remember our first Valentine's Day together...2002...eight years ago!! WOAH! My two friends were dating his two friends, and so they made us a romantic homemade dinner. He also surprised me with rose petals all over my room, a big, pink stuffed animal frog, and a teddy bear that was holding a heart that said "Be Mine". He also gave me a heart shaped box full of chocolates! Oh and not only did he do that, but in each of my classes he left a sweet homemade Valentine on my desk so I would get it when I walked in my classroom! My favorite one had a train drawn on it that said, "I choo choo choose you." (Thank you Lisa Simpson) I knew that I had found a real keeper, and that night he asked me the big question...that's right...he asked me, "Will you go out with me?" And so...I'm sure you can guess that I said "Yes" and we were finally official!! (I know, aren't teenage love stories so completely awesome!? ha ha ha)

I went to his Senior Prom, he went to my Junior Homecoming and we were pretty much smitten! After about a year of dating, halfway in to my Senior Year, Michael was preparing fora mission, we were young, and in love, yet we had our differences which lead to a lot of disagreements, and we pretty much went out separate ways. He left for Tennessee to serve the Lord, I hung around the home for about a year after high school, and then left for New York to work. We got home at about the same time, went to Hawaii together (thanks Moms) and I somehow fell back in love with my sweet high school sweetheart. It took him a little bit of time to completely accept the fact that he was in love too, but right when we got home from Hawaii we were once again inseparable. It didn't take too long to know that we loved each other enough to spend the rest of our lives together, but soon after all of those feelings developed, were separated by 7,600 miles. I left for Russia to teach English for about six months, and I knew that if we could be apart for that long, without any contact except frequent e-mails, and seldom phone calls, then it was the right thing to do. Leaving him was so hard, and I even thought about staying home and passing up the opportunity, but I knew that it was what I had to do. It was while I was in Russia that I really knew that I was supposed to marry Michael, and no less than 24 hours after I got home, he put a ring on my finger.

I'm sure you can guess what happens next...I got home in June, and we got married in August. I got my lifelong Valentine, and he will always "Be Mine". I love him so much and always will. We definitely have our differences, quite a few of them, but if you think about it, in a puzzle there are no two pieces that are the same and it still fits together. He makes me laugh, and smile, and there is no way that I could live without him. No, our marriage isn't perfect, and honestly there isn't anyone that can drive me more crazy than he can, but there isn't anyone who I could love more than I love him. So here we are...8 years after that special Valentine's Day...who would have ever thought!? I'm grateful that Heavenly Father gave me such a handsome, wonderful man who protects me, loves me, provides for me, and makes me happy. Happy Valentine's Day!

My "Clair De Lune"

If you are reading this, you are obviously someone in my life, possibly a relative but definitely my friend. You may know me really well, and we have a lot of memories together, or maybe you’ve only known me for a few short years...either way, you are someone that is in my life, and no matter who you are, I am grateful you are reading this.

With that being said, I wish this was more personal. I wish that you, as a reader and my friend could have a hand written letter, delivered to your front door, with a pretty stamp in the top right corner, and a wax seal on the back...I know it sounds a bit old fashioned, but as you read this, whether you are at work or at home, I hope it’s more than sitting in front of a computer, reading some meaningless words on page. I hope you hear my voice, as I tell you about a great man who is one of the most important people in my life. I hope you hang on to every word from beginning to end and I would like to apologize for the length, but know that this is only a small bit of what I have on my mind, and how does one only write a few short sentences about this man? Lastly, thank you again for reading this, I hope you can at least get a small glimpse of my thoughts as I tell you about the man that I know as my Opa.

Frank A. Lucardie was born in Indonesia on May 15, 1933. He had two brothers and a little sister. Growing up during the war he went through a lot. “A lot” being an understatement, and more than anyone should ever have to go through. I remember hearing about how when he was a young boy and how his father went off to war. He waved goodbye to him, as he rode off in a train, and never saw him again. His little sister, Rosalina, was killed, at a very young age. We did not know her name until after I was born, but you can imagine how special my name meant to me after finding out it was my Opa’s sisters name. During the war there were times when he was a prisoner, and had to live in camps. I remember one time I played Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata for him. When I was done playing the song, with tears in his eyes he was able to tell me the story of this one time when he was held captive along with a group of people. I do not know the specifics, but I know that they were told that they were going to be killed in the morning. That night, someone played that song on the piano,..they were rescued before the morning came…Somehow my Opa put the war behind him. I can’t even fathom,,,he never really spoke of it. I guess the person that he became, a strong survivor, says more than words ever could.

My Oma and Opa had three beautiful children, Glenn, Bridget (Brigitta…who’s my Mom) and then John. When my Mom was a baby, they packed up all that they had and moved here to America. They were able to provide a much better life for them than they ever had. My Opa became an engineer and he traveled the world for his job. He had a very important job of traveling to different countries and helping with water purification. He really was a very smart, intelligent and brilliant man. I always remember hearing that he was “over seas”. When I was little, I heard it so much that I thought that it was an actual place. I remember seeing pictures of him in all of these foreign countries. My favorite picture is of him on the Great Wall in China. I remember he brought home a huge stuffed panda bear for me; it instantly became my favorite toy. My Opa loved to travel. When I lived in Russia, I would write home about all of the places I was able to see, my Mom would reply and tell me that I was just like my Opa, with a strong passion to travel and see the world. It was an honor to be compared to him. Somehow the “travel gene” was passed on to me through him. Even in his older age, my Opa was still traveling. While I was in Russia, he was in Yemen and I was able to read the letters that he wrote home…I remember reading about how much he loved my Oma. They always bickered, pretty much every time I was with them, but there love for each other is more than I can put into words. I always loved to watch them dance together. When they were younger, they used to be in dance contests, dancing to the sounds of the Big Bands. They were able to experience my favorite kind of music first hand. I wish I could go back in time and watch them.

When he was young, he always wanted to play the piano. I know that he always wanted lessons, but his family could not afford it. That did not stop him from discovering that he had a great love and passion for music. My Opa loved jazz and classical may have even had a bigger place in his heart. When I was younger he would always tell me about these different composers, Chopin, Mozart, Beethoven and more. He would listen to them constantly. When my Mom was young he tried to get her to play the piano, and develop the same love of music that he had, but for some reason she didn’t take to it. March 11, 1985, my Opa was blessed with his second granddaughter…me. When we were little my brother and I always stayed the night at their house. I remembered we played games a lot and I can remember every little detail about their home. The smell, the little nick nacks on the shelves, the kitchen…everything. Most of all I remembered how much I loved it there. When my Opa discovered that I had a talent and love for music, no matter what the occasion was he would always ask me about the piano, and tell me to always practice. I loved the piano, and still do. Next to the gospel and my family, music is my life, love, and passion. Somehow how I was able to play really well, without even having one lesson. I remember playing songs for my Opa, and he would always sing along. My favorite song was Moon River…I always loved to hear him sing it. When I was in my early years of high school he introduced me to the most amazing song “Clair De Lune” by Debussey. That was the first big classical piece that I learned, and I fell in love with it. Whenever I hear that song, I can’t help but think of my Opa. I recently had a recital, with all of my students and I dedicated it to him, my “Clair De Lune”.

As he came closer to the end of his life I was able to reflect upon all of the great memories that we’ve shared. Going out to eat at Asian restaurants and being amazed at how he could pick up more than one peanut with his chopsticks, spending a whole day with just him and I as he showed me all around Vegas. A funny one I have is when he gave me an adult Tylenol when I was kid...I chewed it…it wasn’t a chewable pill…and the closest place to get rid of it was behind there couch…my silly Opa. If only I could write forever I could write all of my memories that I have with him…

This past November when I saw him, he said I looked a fatigued…I admit I was a little tired, but I didn’t think I looked that bad. He went home, and told my Oma, that he thought I was pregnant. A few days later I found out I was pregnant. He was more than thrilled to find out I am having a boy. When I cut my finger, he just happened to go in to the hospital on the same night that I did, and he patted my tummy and said, “My boy”. Those were some of the last words I ever heard him say.

Near the end there were some very difficult times. It was heart wrenching when he told me that he could be dying, and that he’d watch me from above. Then the hardest part of all was seeing him in a hospital bed, barely conscience. I thought: how could such a strong brilliant man be in this condition? That night I brought him some music to listen to with songs that I knew he would love. My Mom played the music for him constantly, until his very last moments here on Earth.

This is definitely one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to go through. My Opa was so much more than a Grandpa to me…like I said, he is my “Clair De Lune”. I wish I could elaborate on what that really meant, but I honestly don’t know how to put it in to words. The pain of missing him is more than I’ve ever felt in my life, and I couldn’t imagine how much harder it would be if I didn’t have a testimony of knowing with all my heart that I will see him again. As I got the message last night from my dear Mom, “Opa is now with Hunter”, our little baby boy who will soon be with us, all I could hold on to, to keep the hurt from being unbearable was, I can’t wait to see him again…I really can’t wait, and I know it’s going to be a long time from now, which makes its worse, but I can and will always hold on to my testimony. The other night, when I knew that it was really close to him passing, I thought about how he’s going to be taken care of when he leaves us. A peace and comfort came over me…I know that people say that he’s going to a “better place”, but wouldn’t you be sad if you had to leave all of your family and loved ones? I remember seeing the look in his eyes when he knew that his time was coming, and I couldn’t help but feel a small piece of the sadness that he was feeling. I knew that he would have to say goodbye soon.

It’s only been about 12 hours since he left us…I think of my poor Mom, who was such a Daddy’s girl. She meant the world to him, and she loved him beyond measure. I also think of my Oma…they’ve spent almost their whole lives together. I can’t imagine what they are going through, but we all know how incredibly lucky we are to have had him in our lives. He was such a strong person, with a brilliant mind, loving heart, and he was my Opa…my very own Opa who I love and adore. I lay here in bed, with a tear stained face, only thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing right now. I know that if he was here, I would get a kiss on each cheek, and then he would gently hold my face as he looked at me with a big smile. I look forward to when he will be able to do that again.

So this is my tribute to him. Nothing could ever do enough justice, but I’ve done my best.

You reading this means more than you know. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart. It’s interesting what we have to go through in life, but everything shapes and molds us into who we are. Heavenly Father blessed me with a great man as my Opa, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’ve also been blessed with the gospel that has and will help more than anything else. Lastly, I would like to leave you with the lyrics of “Moon River”…

“Moon river, wider than a mile, I’m crossing you in style someday.

Old dream maker, you heart breaker. Wherever you’re goin’ I’m goin’ your way.

Two drifters off to see the world, there’s such a lot of world to see.

We’re after the same rainbows end, waiting ‘round the bend,

my huckleberry friend, Moon river and me.”

Thank you friend, for your time, love and support.

Love, Rosalie